So surreal

My daughter had her appointment with the Oncologist yesterday and things didn't go as well as I was hoping for. The Oncologist wanted to speak reality and the reality is, she's had the cancer so long and they have tried to remove it so many times there's a good chance the treatment won't work. The Oncologist did say that they would give her medications to keep her comfortable so the pain won't be so bad if it doesn't work. The Oncologist is a woman (my daughter requested a woman) and told Elizabeth that she wanted to do another biopsy today to see if the cancer has spread even further, and my daughter is so scared she told her she would have to check her schedule this week and see if she could do it. (You see my daughter lives in a place for single mom's that left abusive relationships and also are mentally challenged. She has Borderline Personality Disorder) So she has many meetings throughout the week, with counselors, case workers). The Oncologist got kinda of stern and told her this was very serious she didn't have the time to worry about "meetings", as they wanted to start treatment Thursday after they do the biopsy today, which consists of chemotherapy and internal and external radiation. I think Elizabeth understands she could die, but not that she could die relatively soon or how serious the threat of that is. How did this happen?? Children are supposed to outlive their parents. I mean my God I even had breast cancer. It doesn't seem real, it's like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. When she told me that the doctor said that they would be able to keep her comfortable with pain meds, it HIT me, like a brick in the face.....I may lose my baby girl, really. So after I get my gallbladder removed (Friday) and heal some I am going to go and spend some time with her. I NEED to do that. I haven't seen her in 3 years due to my illness and some problems with her a couple years ago (with the boyfriend actually). I'm really trying to be spiritual and turn to God, but he took both of my parents and now maybe my daughter, I have to question his motive and my faith. Help Me! I don't want too, but why? Why would he do this????? I keep asking for prayers, I feel the more prayers the better the outcome, but I am questioning that also. Please help me not question my faith. I can't imagine my life without my daughter, and her baby girls need her. If the father get's both Ariannah (which he already has) and Olivia he will never tell them about their beautiful kind hearted mother. Nor will he let us see her. He screams that God is the all and knowing and his savior, yet he doesn't live that life. He will take those girls and they will never know their momma or grand parents and they deserve to know how hard their momma fought to keep them and change to take care of them. But I am trying to keep positive that she will be able to tell them herself.