Monday, April 13, 2009
It's Like a Dream
I keep thinking about my daughter and her cervical cancer and keep thinking I am going to wake up from a bad nightmare. It's really happening, she has stage 3B cervical cancer and the only treatment is chemo, and internal and external radiation. My poor baby. I could lose my baby girl. My older son is going to keep her daughter while she goes through treatment. I feel so useless. She's scared, she's sad, she looks sick and I can't help her. It's not right, a mom is supposed to be able to help her child. I'm more scared for my daughter than I was for myself when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. What do I do?? How can I stop this?? I can't deal with this, I don't know how. I'm afraid I will get a phone call one of these days, and I can't get that thought out of my head. For all you people that keeps saying I'm strong, oh you are so wrong. I'm not strong, I'm falling apart but I am trying to show her I am.
Then I have to also worry about my upcoming surgery. I am having a cholecystectomy soon. I am seeing the surgeon on Thursday. UGH! I just wish everything wouldn't always hit at once. I know I should be writing about good and happy things and I will I just need to get this out and then I'll be better. Thanks for letting me talk.
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6 comments:
Ellie the strength will be there when you need it. But it's okay to let it all out. You deserve it and you need to just cry and scream. You have had more than your share. You know that I am here just a phone call away. Make sure you call your daughter and just listen. She needs to know that someone hears her. Cry with her and tell her you love her. Even if you can't be there physically you can be there emotionally. I love ya.
Ellie I have had cancer in my life as far back as I can remember with family members so I know alittle about what you are going through. I, myself had a scare a few years back but it turned out to be nothing. Please know that you and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.
cancer sucks!
I am so sorry you and your family is going through all of this. You and your daughter, are in my thoughts and prayers.
Never give up hope! I volunteered with hospice for over 9 years and once had a patient removed from the system. You are strong when you have to be and it is okay to be weak when you need to be as well. I've always told my patients family members it is okay to have "your time too". Some make tapes for their children so they have something to keep the memories alive as well.
Ellie, I'm so sorry. After all you have been through personally, it seems as if it's not fair for you to have to go through it again with your daughter. Just know that you had the strength to make it through, and so will she with you by her side.
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